Tuesday, 7 March 2017

WHITE SUPREMACIST PLOTS JOOBOMB

GTKRWN: Juan Thompson


White supreemist Juan Thompson has been charged with attempting to kill six million Jews with homemade bombs. The 31-year-old genius and journalist constructed the explosives following the instructions of a Youtube video featuring former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis' instructions. The bombs were ingenious in their simplicity, having been made from toilet roll inners, blue tack, tampons and baking soda.

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

THE UNDEAD FINALLY DIES

Kaufman on holiday in Whitby


Labour MP, Fabian Society member and Voivode of Wallachia, Gerald Kaufman has finally died at the tender age of 612. It has not yet been ascertained whether Kaufman died from decapitation, a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight. Members of the LGBTJQ+ society have expressed other concerns, however.

Thursday, 2 February 2017

KELLY OSBORNE: NO MEXICANS TO CLEAN MY SHITTER

Kelly "Twilight Sparkle" Osborne

 

 

Celebrity crack whore Kelly Osborne is facing a firestorm over comments made back in 2015, when she complained that sending back illegal immigrants would leave her with "no Spics to clean my shitter, thanks to Donald Trump." She apparently feared Trump's new wall would cause a backlog in her bathroom.

 

Monday, 23 January 2017

ENOCH FOUND AND THIS YEAR'S WHO DA JOO THROUGH AND THROUGH?

Model moid, but woik is trying up

 

 

Mike Peinovich alias Mike Enoch has been found along with his wife Ames. They were discovered coming out of the Poark East Synagogue together, where they both insisted to our reporter that they had been getting a divorce. Ames Friedman-Peinovich-Shekelberg wore a figure-hugging Mürdoch Chan SS uniform for the occasion, while Mike sported a white Hermann Goering number that complemented his ample frame.

Sunday, 22 January 2017

VILE MILLENNIAL WOES PLANS FOR GENOCIDE

Robinson at a refugee shoot yesterday

In another astonishing media fabrication, we can exclusively reveal vile Millennial Woes aka Colin Robinson's plans to exterminate the refugee race. This comes after attending a refugee shoot yesterday in which the vile racist managed 88 kills. This brings his handicap down to 14 under par.


"I could have done more," he boasted vilely, "but I stopped at 88 in memory of the Führer's glorious meeting with the Czech Foreign Minister that began the annexation of Bohemia and Moravia."

 

But we have news for him. One of the refugees he winged died later of complications in hospital, so take that you vile racist!


Vile

 

Vile Millennial Woes changed his real vile name to Colin Robinson when he became a professional racist, naming himself after the golliwog on the jam jars just to be more offensive. He has also reportedly founded the fascist Purple Shirts paramilitary group with which he intends to take over the world.


Asked about his vile plans for the refugee races when he takes over their countries, he said simply, "Showers, gas and ovens."

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

ENOCH'S WIFE TURNED INTO SOAP

Artist's impression: Have you seen this woman?


 

Police are investigating after the disappearance of Mike Peinovich's wife yesterday. According to one of their neighbours, a buck-toothed, hooked nosed man with peyot and binoculars, she was last seen in Pernovich's luxury kibbutz in Boro Poark in New Yoark, after having taken a shower and was heading towards the oven.

Monday, 2 January 2017

CARRIE FISHER AND KENNY BAKER FOUND ALIVE

A nervous R2D2 yesterday

 

In a sensational scoop, we can reveal that actors Kenny Baker and Carrie Fisher are in fact alive and well and hiding out at a backstreet bar in Benidorm. Both looked fit and well for members of the entertainment industry.