Sunday, 22 January 2017

VILE MILLENNIAL WOES PLANS FOR GENOCIDE

Robinson at a refugee shoot yesterday

In another astonishing media fabrication, we can exclusively reveal vile Millennial Woes aka Colin Robinson's plans to exterminate the refugee race. This comes after attending a refugee shoot yesterday in which the vile racist managed 88 kills. This brings his handicap down to 14 under par.


"I could have done more," he boasted vilely, "but I stopped at 88 in memory of the F├╝hrer's glorious meeting with the Czech Foreign Minister that began the annexation of Bohemia and Moravia."

 

But we have news for him. One of the refugees he winged died later of complications in hospital, so take that you vile racist!


Vile

 

Vile Millennial Woes changed his real vile name to Colin Robinson when he became a professional racist, naming himself after the golliwog on the jam jars just to be more offensive. He has also reportedly founded the fascist Purple Shirts paramilitary group with which he intends to take over the world.


Asked about his vile plans for the refugee races when he takes over their countries, he said simply, "Showers, gas and ovens."

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

ENOCH'S WIFE TURNED INTO SOAP

Artist's impression: Have you seen this woman?


 

Police are investigating after the disappearance of Mike Peinovich's wife yesterday. According to one of their neighbours, a buck-toothed, hooked nosed man with peyot and binoculars, she was last seen in Pernovich's luxury kibbutz in Boro Poark in New Yoark, after having taken a shower and was heading towards the oven.

Monday, 2 January 2017

CARRIE FISHER AND KENNY BAKER FOUND ALIVE

A nervous R2D2 yesterday

 

In a sensational scoop, we can reveal that actors Kenny Baker and Carrie Fisher are in fact alive and well and hiding out at a backstreet bar in Benidorm. Both looked fit and well for members of the entertainment industry.

Thursday, 29 December 2016

2016 TO BE EXECUTED FOR MASS MURDER

 
Jollywood award

We will finally see justice as Saturday draws to a close, when 2016 is finally executed for the mass murder of celebrities this year. He was finally caught after doing mother-daughter combo Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher and now joins 1666, 1918 and 1945 as one of the most evil years ever.

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

LAST CHRISTMAS FOR JUDD MICK

Filthy: Judd Mick

 

Tributes have been sliding in after the death of popular Northern clubland singer Judd Mick at the age of 52 from a bum-banditry-related disease. Mick, who was born Giorgios Milo Flopadikupmiars in Greece, where they invented that sort of thing, leaves behind a gaping hole in the entertainment industry.

 

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

MERKEL FAILS HGV TEST

Merkel could only give a half-hearted Roman salute today

Angela Merkel failed her heavy goods test in spectacular style last night,  a three-point turn going disastrously wrong and killing a dozen onlookers. It was her second attempt at her driving test, her first in Nice during the summer again resulting in the deaths of many spectators as she attempted an emergency stop.

Monday, 19 December 2016

RUSSIANS PISS BLAIR'S BED

Slippery when wet: an angry Tony Blair this morning

Not satisfied with barbecuing babies on sticks in Aleppo and rigging the US elections by flooding America with Russian immigrants, it was revealed that the Russians have also pissed former British PM Tony Blair's bed. Blair, 63, was said to have been left "distraught" and "moist" by the incident last night.