Thursday, 20 July 2017

CHESTER BENNINGTON NOT LIVING ANYMORE


It is with some sadness that we at the Dairy Male have learned of the tragic suicide of Nu-Metal singing sensation Chester Bennington from Linkin Park. His brave yet fated sword battle with depression has been well documented elsewhere, his chronic moping-about probably all starting with him being lumbered with a prescription for National Health Service 'jam-jar-bottom problem-glasses', or something.

 Yet, it is with far, far greater sadness that we have learned of the passing of Austrian Prog-Rock legend Lumpy Welt aged 72 on the very same day.


Famed as the front man and electric-trombonist of 1970s Prog-Rock band Jism, Lumpy was lauded as a pioneer of both the Cosmic Twaddle and Distorted Scat genres of music.

Their seminal albums The Silence In Your Brain and A Punch Up The Guts were the two biggest selling records in Antwerp in the years between 1968-1984.

A spokesman for his family said he died peacefully in the early hours of Thursday morning after developing complications from his latest round of surgery in his decades-long battle against genital warts.

He will be sorely missed not only by his loved ones but by music fans, independent pharmaceutical vendors and middle-aged strumpets the world over.

KatzeAngriff records will be releasing a 3 CD compilation of the best of his 27 post-Jism solo-albums later this month entitled Get It While It's Lumpy as a tribute to his life's work and talent.

Keep on rocking Lumpy, you crazy arsehole.
We are also somewhat sorry to hear about the other chap.

JOHN MCCAIN HAS BRAIN CANCER

Former US President-wannabe and inventor of oven-ready chips (that's freedom fries to you Americans) John McCain has been diagnosed with brain cancer.
 


Wednesday, 19 July 2017

AUSTRALIAN PM: WOG COP GUNMAN'S ACTIONS 'INEXPLICABLE'

Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has called the actions of Somali pirate US cop Mohamed Noor 'inexplicable'.










 

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

STUDENTS VOTE TWICE

It has been discovered that many students voted twice during this year's General Election, leading to concerns that voting may be rigged.





Monday, 17 July 2017

GEORGE A ROMERO TURNED INTO ZOMBIE

It is with great sadness that we announce the zombification of film director George A Romero. 
 



Sunday, 16 July 2017

TONY BLAIR: "I DEFECATE ON YOUR DEMOCRATIC RIGHTS"

Tony Bliar has yet again shat in the faces of the British electorate with a flat-earth-shattering pile of poo that left even the last remaining white voters brown. 





Saturday, 15 July 2017

MAYWEATHER HITS MACGREGOR WITH HONKY RACIST CRACKER

The blows came in thick and fast in this epic encounter between the immortal Conor MacLeod McGregor and Lloyd Mayflower Jr. Early in the contest, McGregor hit Maypole with a heavy book, which stunned Fairweather with its complicated vocabulary and was deemed a low blow by referee and father Lloyd Carlweathers Sr.

 
Melville's Moby Dick left Mayflower all at sea

Friday, 14 July 2017

LAUREN SOUTHERN EXPOSED!

The revamped totally new yet the same as before Dairy Male is back with an Alt Right exclusive that will make your blood boil, stomach turn, heart sink and winkie shrivel. We can finally reveal why darling of the Alt Light and Alt Right Lauren Southern avoids the JQ and doesn't get her tits out for the lads.


Lauren engaging in masculine pursuits


Tuesday, 7 March 2017

WHITE SUPREMACIST PLOTS JOOBOMB

GTKRWN: Juan Thompson


White supreemist Juan Thompson has been charged with attempting to kill six million Jews with homemade bombs. The 31-year-old genius and journalist constructed the explosives following the instructions of a Youtube video featuring former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis' instructions. The bombs were ingenious in their simplicity, having been made from toilet roll inners, blue tack, tampons and baking soda.

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

THE UNDEAD FINALLY DIES

Kaufman on holiday in Whitby


Labour MP, Fabian Society member and Voivode of Wallachia, Gerald Kaufman has finally died at the tender age of 612. It has not yet been ascertained whether Kaufman died from decapitation, a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight. Members of the LGBTJQ+ society have expressed other concerns, however.

Thursday, 2 February 2017

KELLY OSBORNE: NO MEXICANS TO CLEAN MY SHITTER

Kelly "Twilight Sparkle" Osborne

 

 

Celebrity crack whore Kelly Osborne is facing a firestorm over comments made back in 2015, when she complained that sending back illegal immigrants would leave her with "no Spics to clean my shitter, thanks to Donald Trump." She apparently feared Trump's new wall would cause a backlog in her bathroom.

 

Monday, 23 January 2017

ENOCH FOUND AND THIS YEAR'S WHO DA JOO THROUGH AND THROUGH?

Model moid, but woik is trying up

 

 

Mike Peinovich alias Mike Enoch has been found along with his wife Ames. They were discovered coming out of the Poark East Synagogue together, where they both insisted to our reporter that they had been getting a divorce. Ames Friedman-Peinovich-Shekelberg wore a figure-hugging Mürdoch Chan SS uniform for the occasion, while Mike sported a white Hermann Goering number that complemented his ample frame.

Sunday, 22 January 2017

VILE MILLENNIAL WOES PLANS FOR GENOCIDE

Robinson at a refugee shoot yesterday

In another astonishing media fabrication, we can exclusively reveal vile Millennial Woes aka Colin Robinson's plans to exterminate the refugee race. This comes after attending a refugee shoot yesterday in which the vile racist managed 88 kills. This brings his handicap down to 14 under par.


"I could have done more," he boasted vilely, "but I stopped at 88 in memory of the Führer's glorious meeting with the Czech Foreign Minister that began the annexation of Bohemia and Moravia."

 

But we have news for him. One of the refugees he winged died later of complications in hospital, so take that you vile racist!


Vile

 

Vile Millennial Woes changed his real vile name to Colin Robinson when he became a professional racist, naming himself after the golliwog on the jam jars just to be more offensive. He has also reportedly founded the fascist Purple Shirts paramilitary group with which he intends to take over the world.


Asked about his vile plans for the refugee races when he takes over their countries, he said simply, "Showers, gas and ovens."

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

ENOCH'S WIFE TURNED INTO SOAP

Artist's impression: Have you seen this woman?


 

Police are investigating after the disappearance of Mike Peinovich's wife yesterday. According to one of their neighbours, a buck-toothed, hooked nosed man with peyot and binoculars, she was last seen in Pernovich's luxury kibbutz in Boro Poark in New Yoark, after having taken a shower and was heading towards the oven.

Monday, 2 January 2017

CARRIE FISHER AND KENNY BAKER FOUND ALIVE

A nervous R2D2 yesterday

 

In a sensational scoop, we can reveal that actors Kenny Baker and Carrie Fisher are in fact alive and well and hiding out at a backstreet bar in Benidorm. Both looked fit and well for members of the entertainment industry.